Harry Potter is back – and causing big buzz!
He's 34 and has "threads of silver" in his hair, but still has his "distinctive" round glasses. Along with his famous lightning scar, he's sporting a mysterious new "nasty cut over his right cheekbone."
The 1,500-word story is written by gossip correspondent
Pal Ron's red hair "appears to be thinning slightly." Hermione is rising through the ranks at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Their kids are named Hugo and Rose.
And maybe most fun is the mention of Potter's godson, a 16-year-old "lanky werewolf with bright blue hair."
The final Potter novel, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, was published in 2007, and Rowling has said she will not write another installment.
The Telegraph views this new satire as a "thinly veiled attack on the tabloid press."